Wine and Cheese

No matter how hard we try to fight the tiny voice inside, sometimes God just wins. My story begins at work on Friday as I took my wallet out of my purse and placed it on my desk so that I could go pay for my insurance (which I never did, oops...). As the day went on, and work piled up, I buried my wallet and forgot it was there. Hungry beyond the point of remembering that I had no money in my purse, I snatched it up and headed off to Whole Foods in downtown Palo Alto. Every now and then I treat myself to an apple and a small chunk of some exotic cheese, perhaps a fruit juice of some sort. I laugh now as I remember my reply to the homeless lady that said "excuse me ma'am, can you help?" As I hurried in the front of the store, I said "sorry I can't right now." Thinking that all I had was my ATM card, it still would have been true.
So, I walked around leisurely, tasting samples that were out, wandering aimlessly, trying to decide what to get for lunch. For some reason, I noticed a display of wine that was on sale, and an employee started telling me about a pomegranate wine that I found interesting. I looked all around the displays and was taken over by a dream, an image of a gathering of friends, a dimly lit room, laughter, and an Australian wine called the Love Grass. Never tried it before, but the story on the label was interesting.
I'm a sucker for a good story, so when I heard from the guy at the cheese display that the 200 goats that provide the milk for the only organic goat cheese in Northern California graze on headlands that overlook the ocean, I grabbed a small package to go with the wine. I'm sure it would have been delicious. It was only when I got to the checkout stand that I realized I had no money with me. Only slightly embarrassed, I left to make my way back to work. I was actually relieved. I don't know what came over me that would make me buy things for which I had no immediate plans. Nor did I really have the money. Was it really me? Do I buy wine and cheese? Yes. Do I take it to friends' houses? Yes. But this was different. There was something about it that made me feel like I was better or more important because I was going to buy this even though I didn't need it. I know that I don't have the means right now to live the way I want and buy the things I want, but I keep trying and pretending things are normal or o.k.

The other good thing about not spending $25 that day on something I didn't need, was that I "needed" $25 for the amazing concert I went to that night in SF. I got the $25 out of my vending machine at work that afternoon. I also spent $10 on parking and today I got a rebate check for $10 in the mail from something I sent in a long time ago!

Moral of the story, listen to the tiny voice. It's God. Especially if the tiny voice is telling you to do something you don't want to do... it's probably God. Listen up and obey right away.