Sometimes I Say It Pretty Well Too...

Ahhh, "vacation." Right now, I'm sitting on the couch at Steve's place and we are watching X-Files all day on the Sci-Fi Channel. But we are also each on our own laptops; (what's the world coming to?) he's playing Texas Hold 'Em and I'm finding and listening to new music, Googling things we see in commercials, and checkin' the old email.

See, yesterday was our 12-year-anniversary and even though we aren't going anywhere special, we kind of are, because we are together, just living. It's nice. Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us. Our plan is to find a place that we can afford and takes dogs around April 1 (no joke...) when Steve's lease is up.

There's so much more going on, but that's the general plan for now. God works miracles.

Others Always Say It Better...

New Creation

Today's Scripture

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come” (II Corinthians 5:17).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Everyone loves to get something new. But as a believer in Jesus, you’re not only getting something new, you are something new. You are a brand new creation! Your eternal being, or the spirit on the inside of you, is re-created in Christ. The old is gone, the new has come. The Bible says that we are to work out our salvation. That means you have to retrain your body and mind to act, think, speak and live according to the new spirit within you—instead of the old habits you used to have. Don’t ever get stuck in a rut thinking, “I’ll never change…that’s just the way I am.” No, the Bible says that the Spirit of God aids us in our weakness. He gives us strength to overcome. He empowers us to live as more than conquerors. Is there something you want to change in your life today? Remember, you are a new creation in Christ. You are empowered to overcome. You are equipped to walk in the new, abundant life the Lord has in store for you!

A Prayer for Today

Father in Heaven, thank You for making me a new creation. Thank You for empowering me to live as an overcomer. I give this day to You and ask You to help me fully understand the plan You have for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Variation on Similar Situation from Oct 22, 2007

It's that feeling when you wake up, that it's the most warm, safe, cozy place you've ever been, why would you get up? The cotton flannel sheets come up just right over your nose and mouth, allowing you to breath without suffocating you, but keeping you warm. The good feelings from the dream you had still linger in your subconscious. Your head swims, a little dizzy from the cough medicine you took at 3am when you couldn't stop coughing...

I called in sick today. I always feel guilty calling in sick. I am sick, but I could have gone to work. I'd be miserable and coughing on people all day. So, I'm sorry, but not too sorry. I won't beat myself up over it.

I just thought to write about it now. It's at that point when it would no longer be feasible to go in for the rest of the day. Almost like that feeling when you would stay home from school and the clock would hit 3:30pm and you knew all your friends were home too... at least that's how I was. I didn't have to feel guilty anymore - even if I was truly home sick...

Too Many Things...

Well, it's almost 2008. I know people always ask this, but what is it about changing the calendar year that holds such a magical hope about it? Do I really believe that I could actually start over... is that truly possible? Living alone in the world without God - no. Just take a stroll down the "self-help" aisle of your local Barnes & Noble. God's the only one who can bring the "magic" of the New Year to us any day of the year. At any moment in time, I can ask God to make me a new person. I can, and I have. So now that I am a new creation, the old being gone, how am I going to live my life? Will I take this amazing gift and toss it in the pile of token Christmas favors or will I hold it dear and cherish it before my eyes each morning, focusing on the prize for which Christ has called me heavenward?

Too many things... I must stop "trying" to live. I'm trying to hard. I have too many things going on in my life and most of them aren't even real. It's going to be incredibly hard for me, but I am going to seriously scale back (notice I can't quite let go yet) on network sites and blogs from now on, not just in this new year. I have let them take over my every spare moment so that I have not made time for Christ, let alone real relationships with real people. So look for me in the new year - in the flesh. I'll be more focused, more peaceful, more gentle, more musical, and hopefully, more real.

I'm a Fool but...

I want to be a fool for God, and laugh and cry and surrender all. I want to truly trust and humbly serve, come to Him broken and live life renewed.

I thought to myself, "you're a fool" this morning as I used a Starbucks card to get coffee and some holiday bread. I was inconsiderate to the barrista when I said, "the side of the cup is all wet," when he gave me my cup. I said, "do you have a napkin back there?" but I never asked him to please wipe it off for me... I expected it. I'm so sorry for being rude. It didn't hit me until I was standing on the corner waiting for the light to change... I looked down at my brown Doc Martins that terribly clash with my black outfit and thought, "you look like a fool." I felt the wetness of my freshly cleaned Eggnog Latte and remembered how I had acted. How could I make up for it? I had no time to go in and apologize; I had to get to work. I could go back later today or tomorrow but who knows if he will be there - or if he'd remember. But that's not the point. So who knows what I'm going to do. This is the dilemma of living...

Today's Word

Joy in His Presence

Today's Scripture

“You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand” (Psalm 16:11).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria


Do you need more joy in your life today? God promises that joy is found in His presence, and if you’ve accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then His presence lives inside of you! That joy manifests when you focus your mind and heart on the Father and begin to praise Him for what He’s done in your life. The Bible says that He inhabits the praises of His people. When you begin to praise and thank Him, you are in His presence where there is fullness of joy. It doesn’t matter where you are or what’s going on around you, you can access the joy that’s inside of you at anytime, day or night. And know this: God wants you to experience His supernatural joy and peace at all times. That’s why He chose to live inside of you and give you an endless supply. Don’t waste another minute feeling overburdened and discouraged. Let the joy of the Lord be your strength, and you will move forward in victory on the path of life He’s prepared for you!



A Prayer for Today


Father in heaven, thank You for an endless supply of joy. Today, I choose to cast my cares on You and give You the praise, glory, and honor You deserve. Let joy flow through me today so that I can be a witness of Your goodness to those around me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Crazy Weekend, but Par for My Life

What a weird weekend. It started "normal" enough. I got off of work on Friday and went to dinner at Celebrate Recovery, talked about my problems, went to Steve's and waited for him to get off work. We watched t.v. and munched on snacks. Then I went "home" to my folks' where I live. (This is all "normal" for me so far even though it's not "normal" to spend Friday nights at church talking about hurts, habits, and hang-ups, it's not "normal" to have to visit my husband in his studio apartment and it's not "normal" for me, after almost 12 years of marriage, to live with my parents without my husband...) So it was then that things got weird. (Although, upon later reviewing of this... even the next part is not out of the ordinary...) My dad was taking my mom to the ER at 11:30pm Friday night. She was having pain in her side and trouble breathing. I stayed at home alone and was awake until 2:10 doing laundry, playing my guitar, writing music, reading, listening to music, waiting for a phone call. I fell asleep holding my cell phone. At 3:42am I woke up to the house phone ringing. It rang a million times and I thought it was a dream... (you know that feeling). When I finally woke up and ran to get it, my cell phone started ringing back in my room. It was my dad saying that they had admitted my mom to the hospital because the CAT scan showed blood clots on her right lung. She is recovering from rotator cuff surgery and it's most likely from that. So, o.k. that's one thing. Then at 8am my brother Joe calls me and says, "we're having the baby!" So it's their first and mom and dad can't be there, so I drive to Stanford while mom's at Sequoia hospital... and though I never actually went "back and forth" it felt like it. Top it all off with a choir Christmas party and the day was beyond crammed full of excitement.
Sunday: all day at church save 3 hours for lunch. Mini gig at La Tartine until 9:45pm. Now I'm home and thoroughly exhausted but thankful for friends and prayers and music and Christmas.

I wrote most of this poem when it was raining really cool on the way to work. I wish I took this photo...



Thurs. Dec 6, 2007
I can't seem to write a song about the rain
feels too close, feels too far
Speckled sidewalk
fresh wet asphalt
sweet smell of dusty earth drops bouncing up
Happy patter, grey cloud chatter
Hear the tears of a happy God

Impossible rain!
why is it impossible?
you decide
Eucalyptus to the creekside
Mudslide,

silent leaves hiding under tunnels of yellow green
Hovering mist breaks the silent walk
with whispers through the trees
branches silhouette on dark white sky

Let me hide under your raindrops,
on soggy olive trodden grass land
Weeping for the sunshine
Weeping for the sun
Hiding, running from the light

I love the shelter of the rain

Wine and Cheese

No matter how hard we try to fight the tiny voice inside, sometimes God just wins. My story begins at work on Friday as I took my wallet out of my purse and placed it on my desk so that I could go pay for my insurance (which I never did, oops...). As the day went on, and work piled up, I buried my wallet and forgot it was there. Hungry beyond the point of remembering that I had no money in my purse, I snatched it up and headed off to Whole Foods in downtown Palo Alto. Every now and then I treat myself to an apple and a small chunk of some exotic cheese, perhaps a fruit juice of some sort. I laugh now as I remember my reply to the homeless lady that said "excuse me ma'am, can you help?" As I hurried in the front of the store, I said "sorry I can't right now." Thinking that all I had was my ATM card, it still would have been true.
So, I walked around leisurely, tasting samples that were out, wandering aimlessly, trying to decide what to get for lunch. For some reason, I noticed a display of wine that was on sale, and an employee started telling me about a pomegranate wine that I found interesting. I looked all around the displays and was taken over by a dream, an image of a gathering of friends, a dimly lit room, laughter, and an Australian wine called the Love Grass. Never tried it before, but the story on the label was interesting.
I'm a sucker for a good story, so when I heard from the guy at the cheese display that the 200 goats that provide the milk for the only organic goat cheese in Northern California graze on headlands that overlook the ocean, I grabbed a small package to go with the wine. I'm sure it would have been delicious. It was only when I got to the checkout stand that I realized I had no money with me. Only slightly embarrassed, I left to make my way back to work. I was actually relieved. I don't know what came over me that would make me buy things for which I had no immediate plans. Nor did I really have the money. Was it really me? Do I buy wine and cheese? Yes. Do I take it to friends' houses? Yes. But this was different. There was something about it that made me feel like I was better or more important because I was going to buy this even though I didn't need it. I know that I don't have the means right now to live the way I want and buy the things I want, but I keep trying and pretending things are normal or o.k.

The other good thing about not spending $25 that day on something I didn't need, was that I "needed" $25 for the amazing concert I went to that night in SF. I got the $25 out of my vending machine at work that afternoon. I also spent $10 on parking and today I got a rebate check for $10 in the mail from something I sent in a long time ago!

Moral of the story, listen to the tiny voice. It's God. Especially if the tiny voice is telling you to do something you don't want to do... it's probably God. Listen up and obey right away.